Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Parting is such Sweet Sorrow - Or is it?

Goodbye's are tricky - you hate some, you love some.

 Check out this song by Train - 50 Ways to say  goodbye

Imagine saying goodbye to the fab gal/guy you just met at the party or wherever and hit it off with.

You want to sleep,
you want to eat,
Every second your heart beep's,
It's her you want to always meet

Never part
Always in her arms
Till  suddenly one day
Your heart goes astray

You want out
Without a rout
You say goodbye
leave with a shout

Or what about that bore you met, who couldn't stop talking and boasting, how do you get rid of that person, without making them feel bad?  
What about that interesting and powerful person you met? You want to hang around him/her because you are enjoying yourself, you really dont want to say good bye.  
Saying Goodbye is an art. What to say in different situations and with elan is sheer artistry.!!!  
So what are the ways one says good bye and their meanings- lets check it out.

The Breakup Goodbye
  1. The classic - Sweetheart - we need to talk - always dangerous!!!!
  2. The hand wringing - Baby , i want to tell you something _ Oh Boy, are we in trouble". This is one goodbye which involves a lot of emotion, crying, time etc.
  3. The Uppercut - The fastest goodbye - Baby - we're done. Bye!! This is one uppercut that floors you and leaves you on the ground stunned. Clean and efficient, does the job well!!!
  4. The Insult -  Baby, you smell/fart/look like a dork etc..  or have you looked at yourself. Very demeaning and makes you feel like shit!
  5. The Ignore - The cowards way out - Stop returning calls, messages, avoid the person on the street...
  6. The Proxy - Send a message through someone or a courier - We're done!
Friendly Goodbye's
  1. Classic - Bye , see you/ya, catch you later - all ok.
  2. Let's catch up sometime -  How about never or if you call , shall consider! These are mostly always rendered without any contact details.
  3. We must do this again - Swings both ways , depending on what tone and expression the other person used .
  4. It's been nice meeting you - Like I care!!! But have a good life, dont bother meeting me in a hurry. Tell me your name next time we meet - I may not remember it..!!!
  5. Bye, Bye, Bye , I gotta run or Somethings come up- The polite brush off, said to a person you would be happy to say goodbye and never meet.
  6. So Give me your number and Lets get together sometime - A good sign that the meeting has gone off well... and there is a chance for something in the future.
GoodBye's related to work
  1. Great doing business with you - Always a good sign - potential for the future.
  2. Ok, Lets fix up something - In trouble pal!
  3. Call me -  Disaster - almost never a good sign.
  4. Listen, I gotta run, another meeting - Boy, am I glad to run. Byeeee and dont call again
I'm sure, there are many other ways to say . In fact , if you come across some good ones, be sure to let me know. Shall add it my repertoire..!!!

Breakup's and Life !

What is love?
Baby don't hurt me
Don't Hurt me
No more

and thus sang Haddaway in one of his most memorable compositions, that brought out his pain when he went through during his breakup.

So, everyone has a story to tell. Of his/her breakup, in school, college, work, life...  Breakups are never easy because the person who gets dumped is left with burning, lingering questions like - Whats wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Is he/she mad? Sometimes the truth is told and you slip deeper into depression or the truth is never told - some half truths like - its not your fault, its mine, I am just not ready for this relationship etc etc. 

Truth be told, we all know when the end of a relationship is near. But we hide, we ignore, the signs that are telling us to get out while the going is good. We hold out for that miracle that will get us back together again, make our lives as exciting and fun when we first met. It's a classic Ostrich in the sand maneuver- the world sees it (the end), your friend's see it, the other half knows it but you still persevere. That hope without hope, clutching at straws, trying to remain afloat, when all is lost. 

How is this related to your work or passion? Well, giving up and walking away is an art one has to learn. I'm not saying don't give it a shot, what I am saying is that if your head  tells you to get out, then get out. Don't listen to that inner voice that tells you to stay and try to make it. Knowing that you have failed, and willing to accept it, with the knowledge that you gave it your best is also an art that one has to learn. Sometimes, somethings are just not worth fighting for. So you need to leave your ego aside and move on.....

Choose your battles carefully!!!!

Love is like a rising stock in the stock market. When there is a bull run, the value rises like crazy but your head tells you that this is short lived, not going to last, that there will be a dip. But what do we do? feel good with the virtual profit, make merry, thinking the good times will roll, but one day we are in for a rude shock- the stock has crashed and you are left holding toilet paper!!!!
However, all is not lost. If you choose your love well (is that really possible!!!), there is a possibility that it can withstand multiple crashes and still come out a winner.  A lambi race ka ghoda/ghodi. 

Remember, learning to walk away when the writing is on the wall, facing it bravely, even when your heart  is crying with pain, and picking up the broken pieces before they have shattered into a million ones, is the true hallmark of a winner. The other is a devdas!!!!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


What a predictable pattern life weaves around us!! It never fails to amaze me. Let me put it in perspective :-

The Charmed Life

Children born under this tag have it made from the day they were conceived. The best gynaec, best foods, best care, regular check ups, Baby Showers, a customised room (Girly pink or Boy blue), the best gadgets to monitor the health, membership applications to the best clubs and schools, colleges (if you dont qualify for a good college, Dad shall give a generous endowment to get you in), a line of women/boys wanting to hook up, people sucking up to you, never having to hear the word "No", getting to see the world before you complete 21... and the list is endless. (Parties, balls, events, socials , hardly getting to see their parents and vice versa)
The flip side, what motivates this child? When nothing in life is a struggle, its easy to get into drugs for that high, into crime for that thrill, doing things  just because they can and becoming jaded by the age of 21. Some of the smarter ones pick up a hobby/interest and become masters in it and survive the stereotype. I mean, if you dont have to struggle for anything in life, you have to create your own obstacles, your own excitement, your own set of woes or life will be one long equilibrium and make you live in a false sense of reality. Sentences like "You dont know what living hell my life is" are quite common.. :)

The Middle Class Life

 Kids born into middle class families aspire to lead the The Charmed life. They grow up with about 20-60 % of the luxuries the rich kids grow up with. They seem to be more grounded. but most are amazingly insecure. They get many things (of lower quality) and therefore they have the fire to improve their lot to come up to the level of the richie rich. Most of these kids lead a very comfortable life, go to decent schools, have loving parents and friends and seem reasonably satisfied. They know that if they do the bare minimum, they can continue to do well  and lead a nice middle class ordinary life. Ideally speaking, these kids have the most balanced lives and one would expect them to be balanced. Many are.. but like everything else, they too fall prey to drugs, drink and other vices

The Poor Life

These kids have it bad. They rarely get anything they want. Its mostly hand-me-downs, leftovers and a whole lot of insults and pity. They are looked down upon because they are poor. Yes, some kind souls who lead the above two lives take pity on them and try to help them, but by the time they grow up, they have become "Maximizers". They don't think long term (They cant afford to!!!), get what they can NOW, and basically live life in the moment because they don't have a choice. Many of them continue in their miserable existence, roughing it out but those who cant, turn to crime, drugs, drinks and what all!!

These patterns pretty much cover the entire gamut of humanity across continents. Yes there are exceptions to the rule and some of them breakout to do different things, but largely, we all follow the script. Deviations from the script are not welcome as they rock our comfort zone. If nothing bad happens, and the comfort zone goes on for a longish duration, we are again very unhappy. That is the predictable pattern of life.  Just like leading a charmed life doesn't ensure happiness, leading a middle class or a poor one does not mean that you shall never experience happiness. It is all a state of mind!!!

We need to see life as it is. That the fundamental law of life is change. Ennui does not befit humanity. We have tried to make our lives predictable and safe, but our instincts make us change that to do dangerous things. For e.g. Skydiving. In the earlier days, humans had to save themselves from predators, so there used to be a thrill in life. You were always on the alert. Now a days, that threat has been diminished to a large extent, so people go and try out other dangerous stuff to give them that thrill.

So finally we come to the question that people have been asking since beginning of humanity - Why are we here? What is the meaning of our life? Why was I born? Where will all this take us? If we are all destined to die, then what is the point of it all. These are tough questions with no clear cut answers.

For some, the meaning of life is loving, caring, sharing their resources with others. For some its domination, for the others its enjoying all aspects of life without really worrying if others are having a good time. Everyone has a different reason to live. The moment we start thinking about "higher ideals", we feel lost and powerless. I mean, isn't it easier to say "I really don't care" what my life should mean. I am just living it and taking things as they come. Human beings need to do something to justify their existence, animals don't. They simply exist!

There is another issue. If every human being knows that he is going to die, then why are we born in the first place? God created this universe and everything in it. So if we were anyways going to die, why are we born in the first place. I mean, would you start an activity knowing that whatever you are going to do is going to be destroyed eventually! Some reasons are that we are born to :-

  • make a difference in someone's life, 
  • To improve our world
  • To create bigger and better things
Is it true? Has my being born made life easier for someone? (human/animal). Have I really improved the world? Did the world need improving in the first place?? By creating bigger and better things have I achieved something or just justified my existence and ensured stroking my ego as I would be remembered for a long time to come (Taj Mahal, Pyramids etc).

Spiritualists say the meaning of life is to become one with god. Everyone gets a chance, through their actions and deeds, over lifetimes to achieve that. But again, who said that it was necessary to become one with god?
Or why is it necessary? These things are told to us because the truth is frightening. It is terrifying to be told that there is no reason for you to live. You just have to live or exist. Thats why so many deviations are built into our lives, so that we don't think about all this.

I feel the meaning of our life is to add balance to this universe. Creation and destruction are two sides of the same coin. We as humans are born to add instability into the universe, because , if there is no instability, the universe cannot grow or  die. It shall remain in a state of equilibrium, which is boring. So enter human beings with their superior intellect. This so-called superior intellect ensures that we create imbalances, that forces the universe to respond to the change and in the process, create something new or destroy something. In fact, it is the imbalance that humans create, that allows the universe or nature to become stronger and survive. Its a different issue that changes like Global Warming, contributed to by Humans, shall in the long run prove detrimental to the survival of humans.It's just one way to keep us in check.

So, summing up, something evolved into humans or humans were created, as a result of Natures  stabilisation process.We are now de-stabilising that system with our actions. The result of our actions shall annihilate us (If you think nature cares if we survive or die, then think again!!!). We are just pawns in the larger game, which can never end.